Real Things I Don't Know

"Many times I've wondered, how much there is to know." -Led Zeppelin

When Led Zeppelin wrote these words, they had no idea that everyone and their mother would use it as their senior quote.

"Oh, wow! I had no idea (insert your stupid name here) was that deep intellectually," said everyone who reads your Led Zep quote, in your head.

Anyway, I'm having difficulty coming up with a segue here to transition from this quote and people who really aren't intellectually curious to Me: The Exact Opposite.

Here is some stuff I don't know. Really.

- How did people get haircuts in olden times? Like, Julius Caeser. He has a particular style of haircut named after him even today. Did he even have scissors? Were they in the equation yet? I always envision people just putting their hair between two jagged rocks and rubbing them together. That's stupid. But it's true. Maybe it was two spears and not rocks? Maybe a phalanx? Don't get me started on shaving.

- Where is the end of the first thread of the shirt that I'm wearing? How do you even start to make it? The stitching is so small. I bet it's really hard.

- I don't get how TVs work.

- Do birds sleep?

- Now that you've got me started on shaving, how many blades is the optimal number of blades? 1? 2? 15? Somehow they have got 5 on there now. I think that's stupid. Why don't pretty girls ever touch my face and then give me "bedroom eyes" like they do to the guys on Gillette commercials?

- How do they count all those votes in a matter of hours, presidential-electionally speaking?

**Women**

- Don't really get satellites. I mean, on a surface level, yeah, I do. But come on. You don't either.

- What's up with my health insurance. Lotsa mumbo jumbo there. How do I use that?? I'm pretty bad at being an adult. That's pretty much Exhibit A for proving that case.

Great news! I could go on and on and on, but I won't. This is now a weekly topic.