Today, on the aptly named "Today Show," Gary Busey's estranged lover/runaway clone Charlie Sheen apologized for his meltdown last year. In a move that can only be described as "totally lame" by your humble author, he said that there were times in 2011 where he felt as though he was having an "out of body experience." He lamented his "cringeable" behavior in an apparent effort to rebrand himself to the public before launching "Anger Management".
Know what? This really just ruins everything. The best thing I have going in my life is my ability to Not Be Charlie Sheen, and, through his apology, he has dashed the last scraps of value from my being.
Chuck, you stormed through Hollywood last year like a coked up Tasmanian Devil leaving sobbing strippers and laughing masses in your wake (Looney Tunes reference #1...the strippers were my favorite part of that cartoon). Is selling your new sitcom important enough to you to ruin the legacy of the Taggart Transcontinental-esque trainwreck that WAS your 2011??? (I read books).
You, sir, have shaken the very foundation of my self-worth by taking this away from me.
Jerk.
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