Not You Too, Georgia Southern

Last week, GSU student and George-Anne staff writer, Courtney Escher, had her editorial (Beware the GTSNP Virus) published in the George-Anne.  In her editorial, she made light of a current campus fashion trend involving girls wearing large shirts that hide the shorts underneath.  I don't recall anyone dressing this way when I was enrolled there, but times change and I imagine it would be funny to see a lot of girls dressed this way.

What has followed has been nothing short of disappointing.  The G-A's inbox has been flooded with the mock outrage and vitriol we've come to expect from the wholly unwashed internet masses.  Every time someone makes an off-color joke or satirical comment in a public forum, they're raked over the coals and made to give a forced apology.  Remember De Niro's "white first lady" joke?  David Axelrod's "Mittzkrieg" comment?  Rush Limbaugh?  Don Imus?  Gilbert Gottfried?  I could go on, but the point is that we've turned into a nation of crybabies.  Everyone's psyche is so fragile that when we hear something we don't like, we piss and moan until the offender apologizes.

College is supposed to be a time of carefree living, especially at Georgia Southern.  When did you all become so sensitive?  How do students living in idyllic Statesboro find their feelings so easily hurt?  I remember a time not that long ago.  Before Brother Micah, there was another younger "evangelist" who would come preach on campus.  I've never heard Brother Micah preach, so I can't speak about his message.  However, the young man who came before him would call everyone within earshot a sinner, whore, faggot, masturbator, etc.  No one protested.  No one demanded an apology.  The spectacle just drew some curious looks and a few laughs from busy students on their way to class, lunch, happy hour, or the pool.

Students of Georgia Southern, I implore you: let's get back to a place where we are to busy to be bothered with being offended.  If nowhere else in the world, let our beloved University be a beacon of calm reason, not hysterical, half-hearted outrage.

Together, we can.

Check Your Facts, Folks.

Organizers from the London 2012 Olympic Committee recently contacted representatives for The Who about playing a part in the closing ceremonies.  Specifically, the organizers wanted The Who's iconic drummer, Keith Moon, to play during the portion of the ceremony that is to be a celebration of British pop culture.

Representatives for The Who responded that Keith Moon is hard to get ahold of these days.  Moon passed away in 1978 at age 32.

Andino-plasty: My Ticked Off Baseball Moment of the Week

Monday's Orioles-Yankees game at Camden Yards provided a telling look at the "unwritten rules" of baseball to the observant fan.

An end-of-the-game spat between Yankees catcher Russell Martin and Orioles 2B Robert Andino came about as the result of Martin accusing Andino of stealing signs (for the laymen: relaying pitches as a runner on 2nd to the hitter at the plate).

I have 2 simple points to make about this.

1) Russell Martin: you and the Yankees won 6-2. If signs were being stolen by the O's, then they did a crappy job. It was more like stealing your TV then getting too lazy to carry it and dropping it in your front yard than it was some kind of Ocean's 11 operation.

2) If you're worried about the other team stealing your signs, THEN MEET WITH YOUR PITCHER AND CHANGE THEM! This is S.O.P. for most major league clubs with a runner on 2nd. Getting mad about someone on 2nd stealing your signs is akin to getting pissed at someone for robbing you blind when you left your doors open and money on the table underneath a big sign that says, "Hey Y'all! Here's My Moneys! Teehee!!!"

Play. Ball.

Peanuts, Made-up Allergies, and the Sanctity of the Ballpark

The hysterics of modern day society never cease to amaze me.  Today’s sheep are so easily terrified that every new threat is met with the most sever of responses.  The world is a scary place.  Danger lurks around every corner in countless forms, such as gluten, secondhand smoke, high fructose corn syrup and more.  Both of New York’s baseball teams have set their sights on possibly the most dangerous scourge of all: the peanut.

 

Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadiums have begun offering peanut-free seating for the militant allergist out to ruin everyone’s fun.  The Mets have gone so far as to place the allergy-afflicted in an enclosed box with power-washed seats.  I’m sure this is making all those smug wimps preen with accomplishment. 

 

“Keep those peanuts away from me, I’m special.  Oh, you didn’t know you were in a peanut-free zone?  Sor-reeeee.  Go eat those somewhere else for me, okay?  Thaaaaaanks.”

 

I have two problems here.  1) Where did all of these allergies come from?  In my near 30 years of life, I have met two people with any kind of food allergy.  Now, food allergies are everywhere.  According to CNN, a 2011 study found that eight percent of people under the age of 18 have at least one food allergy.  What does this say?  Hysterical parents are making up issues for their kids to have something to talk about.  2) Why do all of these crybabies get to have their way and remove peanuts from their piece of the ballpark, regardless of the other people who may want peanuts?  The two friends I mentioned earlier with food allergies; both are allergic to peanuts.  However, neither of them become hysterical freaks when someone opens a bag of peanuts at a ballpark.  They deal with their allergy in the most sensible way possible: they don’t eat peanuts.  They use some common sense and they don’t touch or eat the peanuts.

 

However, the feeble-minded complainers of today can’t handle this kind of high thinking.  They can’t do that math of simply not touching or eating peanuts when they are around.  They have to organize and get things banned.  It’s criminal.  The fact that this kind of nonsense is taking place at America’s ballparks is appalling.  Baseball stadiums should be sacred.  For over 200 years, baseball has been played in this country.  And for over 200 years, people ate peanuts while they watched America’s Pastime.

 

Let’s reclaim our beloved ballparks; for America and for sanity.

Braves Season Re-cap

Ok. We're 2 games into the 2012 baseball season with only 160 left to play. It's time to overreact.

I have been working a lot lately, and I'm feeling incredibly lazy. So here are some bullet points:

1. The Braves are really bad.
1A) Their entire season is built on promise. "If Heyward can live up to his potential....If Prado can rebound this season....If Uggla can carry a batting average above .160 into the All-Star Break...If Minor, Teheran, and Delgado can finally mature into top of the rotation pitchers..." Relying on potential for success, especially in a greatly improved NL East, is a dangerous way to operate.
1B) They look exactly like the team that had an epic 10.5 game collapse last year. This is due in no small part to the fact that they ARE the same team. With their pitching, they don't necessarily need to rely on 3-run homers like an AL team, but they have to be able to play NL small ball. In the first two games, they have left a staggering 23 men on base. They have only plated 2 runners. If you lack a consistent power-hitter in the middle of the lineup, you have to execute the fundamentals to get 'em on, get 'em over, and get 'em in. They had the opportunity to trade Jurrjens and Prado for the likes of Adam Jones, who would have provided a legitimate bat in the middle of the lineup for years to come. But, Wren wouldn't pull the trigger. What's the definition of "insanity" again??

2. The Orioles are fun to watch. Timely hitting, good defense, and great lineup management on Buck Showalter's part. Both of their catchers are in the starting lineup tonight (Wieters C, Paulino DH). This is considered an oddity in baseball and a big no-no. Why did Buck go ahead and do it anyway? Because he put the best lineup on the field, conventional wisdom be damned. And Paulino is 2-2 as we speak, with the O's up 6-0 on the Twins. They'll lose 85-90 games, but I'd rather watch an entertaining 85 losses than a boring, mindless 85 wins.

3. I am going to stick with my prediction that the Braves only get 76 wins this year. I think they will just get wrecked in division play.

Hope springs eternal.

Real Things I Don't Know

"Many times I've wondered, how much there is to know." -Led Zeppelin

When Led Zeppelin wrote these words, they had no idea that everyone and their mother would use it as their senior quote.

"Oh, wow! I had no idea (insert your stupid name here) was that deep intellectually," said everyone who reads your Led Zep quote, in your head.

Anyway, I'm having difficulty coming up with a segue here to transition from this quote and people who really aren't intellectually curious to Me: The Exact Opposite.

Here is some stuff I don't know. Really.

- How did people get haircuts in olden times? Like, Julius Caeser. He has a particular style of haircut named after him even today. Did he even have scissors? Were they in the equation yet? I always envision people just putting their hair between two jagged rocks and rubbing them together. That's stupid. But it's true. Maybe it was two spears and not rocks? Maybe a phalanx? Don't get me started on shaving.

- Where is the end of the first thread of the shirt that I'm wearing? How do you even start to make it? The stitching is so small. I bet it's really hard.

- I don't get how TVs work.

- Do birds sleep?

- Now that you've got me started on shaving, how many blades is the optimal number of blades? 1? 2? 15? Somehow they have got 5 on there now. I think that's stupid. Why don't pretty girls ever touch my face and then give me "bedroom eyes" like they do to the guys on Gillette commercials?

- How do they count all those votes in a matter of hours, presidential-electionally speaking?

**Women**

- Don't really get satellites. I mean, on a surface level, yeah, I do. But come on. You don't either.

- What's up with my health insurance. Lotsa mumbo jumbo there. How do I use that?? I'm pretty bad at being an adult. That's pretty much Exhibit A for proving that case.

Great news! I could go on and on and on, but I won't. This is now a weekly topic.