Well, it took almost 12 and a half years, but the terrorists have finally won, thanks in no small part to a hipster in Portland.
The unidentified woman, known to acquaintances as, "Stupid Bitch," managed to fall about 12 feet between two buildings, and was wedged into a space about 9 inches wide for several hours this morning.
While it's not immediately clear how S.B. managed to stumble upon such jackassery, neighbors say she was smoking up on the two story roof at about 3 A.M. when they heard her screams.
Unfortunately, the talented first responders of Portland managed to prevent S.B. from inflicting any more bodily harm upon herself than she had already done with that stupid stud in her face. Her hipster glasses stayed in place throughout the ordeal, thereby ensuring the douchebaggiest of rescues.
We can only hope that nobody worthwhile had to wait for emergency services during the course of this operation.
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